A Phoenix is a mythical bird said to rise from the ashes. A phoenix gains even more power as it rises again from the fire and ashes. So, could a phoenix symbolize the rebirth of something within ourselves? Something humanity is aspiring to?
The short answer is, Yes. But why? A Phenix must first pass through sorrow, pain, suffering, and even the intense heat of the flames before becoming reborn as even more beautiful than before. So it is with us as well in the middle of an experience that threatens to break us at the very center of all we believe. I've experienced a few events like this in life. From being hit by a car, to painful recovery, and to CRPS (Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome).
I could admit that the journey is hard, but those words I feel are far to megear to describe the enormity of what has happened to me over the last 18 months. In all it's worth, I've found that I'm not as invincible as I may appear to be on the surface. I mask a lot of darkness, and, I decided that it's high time to rid myself of its imprisonment. Grief, anger, frustration, Self-doubts and yes, even depression have deeply affected me in conjunction with my physical challenges after the accident.
Yet, I still believe that peace is possible because I have found it once before. Hope is also something that I know is waiting for me on the other side of this grief. Some people in my church say to just forgive and forget, yet, there are times that forgiveness can't and shouldn't come immediately. In order to truly forgive, a person must also accept what is and what they have no power to change. But, that is where I've been stuck for a while. I never have made it into the process of grief far enough to be open to other people's perspectives.
So, I also decided that it was time to do one of the hardest things for anyone who struggles with mental health challenges, which is to speak out about it seeking professional help. It's not easy for most to understand, I get that. But, for crying out loud, if you had a life-threating injery you would be in the hospital treating it right away. You wouldn't even think twice. If you had bones sticking out of you, it would be a clear indication that death is taunting you.
"Without hope, we have nothing"
- Shyelle Series
These posts exist with a purpose! I would not dare to write them if I didn't believe in the meaning of their messages. You see, I don't write just to have my words remembered, I write to expose ideas, opinions, conflicts, morals, and even life lessons. I write "as an act of hope." Words are freedom from the things you hide, from the silence I was forced into. I learned that words are powerful tools, and yes, even weapons too. Words can convey the most potent of human emotions.
To feel, that is the fire. It can be hot, it can burn us to feel loved, then to have it all crash down. Its risky and those of us who live with our hearts on our sleeves are often told that we are too emotional, too high matnience. But, when we shut out our emotions, we also shut out our humanity. As a whole, we are generally motivated by emotion. But, none of us can be happy all of the time.
There are days that I do wish that people saw my not so happy side. Why? Because most see what they want to see, not the suffering. Most people don't see the dragon of CRPS for what it is, the don't see the emotional pain left behind from the physical suffering either. I don't always believe that suffering is something to be ashamed of. It's alright to suffer, it's alright to have times rock ya a bit.
The whole reason this post talks about a phoenix is because it is ultimately your choice to rise from the ashes of adversity or not.
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